About Me
Leanne Ockenden is 22 years old and is currently enrolled in her first year as a part-time student in the Marist College Master of Communication program. A 2014 graduate of Marist, Ockenden remains in Poughkeepsie, New York, employed by the College's athletic department as the director of basketball operations for the Marist women's basketball team. She was apart of that basketball team and played basketball for her four years at Marist. her love for the game continues to grow and sports play a major role in her life. Ockenden is a huge New York Knicks and New York Yankees fan, and an even bigger Syracuse Orange fan. She hopes to continue to pursue a career in college sports upon earning her master's degree in 2016.
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Leanne, to improve your About Me page, complete a thorough proofing and editing job, looking for errors in grammar, punctuation, AP style, etc. For instance, I spotted the following items that need correction or improvement:
ReplyDelete1. Structure. Read the first sentence: "Leanne Ockenden is ... currently living enrolled in her first year." Which is it, living or enrolled?
2. Degrees. Refer to the "academic degrees" section of the AP style manual and correct the capitalization and possessive 'S errors in your degree title.
3. Titles. Only capitalize formal titles, with formal meaning the title precedes the name to create a proper noun, as in Director of Basketball Operations Leanne Ockenden. For informal titles, lower case, as in Leanne Ockenden, director of basketball operations. See “titles” in the APA manual.
4. Numbers. Spell out numbers less than 10.
Apply this feedback to your other pages, as well.
Mark